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Hoshi (Upsdell Assault)

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Hoshi (Upsdell Assault)

Post by Wojtek on Wed Oct 02, 2013 1:12 am

Name:   Hoshi
Accel world: Upsdell Assault
Age: 14
Personality: shereeni is a quiet and shy fellow, he avoids talking too much and hanging out with others. He is a deep thinker, and he can be compared to water; calm at times but fierce if angered. (some times he talks to him self)

Background info: shereeni Hoshi was a well-rounded kid; he loved school and sports. He had lots of friends to hang out with, and they hang out together all of the time. He loved playing games and chatting to them. They usually played at the park or hanged out in their tree house in the park.
    But then it went all down hill. one night, shereeni and his parents got in car accident. The incident was aired on T.V. all over the country. The news reporters told that the investigators said the car that hit them was purposely trying to hit them but the person that did it is dead. His mom died on the spot and his dad is currently was fatally wounded in the head. His dad had to be put into the re-habitation of mental health, because during the accident he had amnesia and couldn't remember a thing about him or what happened that night. Shereeni was in constant shock and despair losing both of his parents. A few weeks passed and he slowly got back into things, but was never the same. He stayed away from making such relationships ever again with others. Learning that making relationships could only cause pain, and he hated pain. He learned that when a person is gone they cannot be simply replaced with the snap of the fingers.
After a month after the incident he decided to go online and after a while of searching about on chat site he met an old friend of his. He was shy about it but he talked, his friend told him to meet him at the park this weekend. He pondered the idea that he shouldn't, but finally (after many self arguments) he deciding to go, there he learned of brain burst. His friend told him to download it, so he did and then his friend left saying that he had to leave. He shrugged, and sat there on one of the park benches to think for a while. After the sky started to set and went to go home. His uncle who watched over home, was an alcoholic. As he stepped inside he found his uncle drunk and passed out on the couch snoring. He sighed went up stairs to go to bed.

In his dreams, it was horrible, he ran and ran running from the event that happen only a month ago crying. His vision blurred by his tears. Running half blind he bumped into a huge man wearing dark red armor (upsidell) and it's his big hand carried the LMG. He falls down and gets up looking for a way to go around the large man but it blocks the narrow hallway he is running in. He turns around and sees the memories get closer. He shakes his head and wishes them to go away, he wishes that he can simply blow them away. A voice flutters through his mind. is that your wish? he wakes from his dream in cold sweat. He shakes it off like many things and turns to the next day.

later that day when he was exploring brainburst, he got a challenge invite by his friend. In the world he notice that he was different and he noticed that he was that tall man with the big armor. his friend explained some of it too him and taught him the basics. After that he said they were enemies.

Real world Appearance: He is a tall and strong teenager. He keeps his hair short and likes to were jeans, a sweater, and hat. He has black hair, and hazelnut eyes with a ting of green. height, 6 feet exactly  


Accel world Appearance: http://images.wikia.com/warhammer40k/images/6/67/Space_Wolves_Terminator.png

His armor color is a Upsidell and his helmet is the same but the red on the tip is white, and instead of wolf pelts and tails around his waist he has a sash that carries all of his drum clips for his LMG (Light Machine Gun). also hes only 6,5"
explanation: the heavy armor represents the will to move on but in a heavy shell to keep him self away from others, basically another way he keeps him self away from his enemies.
parent/brainburst giver: Jace coal, (idk)

(weapon look like this ==>) http://illiweb.com/fa/pbucket.gif


Weapons/ EA description: He uses a light machine gun that uses the large barrel clip instead of using the bag or chain clips. he can use a scope attachment which he flip from iron sight to scope. The gun brings fear to all who oppose him using it to keep the enemy back away from him
EA
EA name: mammoth
(ea description above)
ea ability/ stat(stat): zoom, increases his dexterity/accuracy by 400, but his vision is limited to the scope. (easy to sneak up on when being used)


Killer move:
               Ability name: pack a punch cost 50%
               Effect: He loads in a special barrel mag that is filled with higher caliber rounds; the rounds are made to punch through pretty much anything to damage in sight.
Weakness: fire rate is slower and it easily to jump from cover to cover to avoid the heavy rounds

Stats: last 2 turns it increases range damage by 30%, slows the fire rate by 20%.


CHAR STATS:
melee: 0
range: 2800
defense: 2400
speed: 400
Dexterity: 2000
killer gauge: 400


Last edited by Dark_KItsune on Thu Oct 03, 2013 7:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

Wojtek
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Posts : 2
Join date : 2013-10-02
Age : 18
Location : Livermore, CA

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Re: Hoshi (Upsdell Assault)

Post by R4yleonard on Thu Oct 03, 2013 12:35 pm

Ignoring all the errors, there's a few things I'd like to discuss :
1. While the trauma is quite good, the reaction didn't seem to fit at all (we're talking about a child here who have lost his dear parents, it's an inappropriate reaction IMO)
2. The name 'Pack A Punch' doesn't seem to fit the Assault theme, since it's actually a slang
3. You said he wants to "blows them away", but an Assault is actually an attack towards a target until it is eradicated or it retreats, meaning it's not blowing them away
4. While Hoshi is a real Japanese word, meaning Star, and also a common surname, Shereeni is not. The closest thing I can find is this woman called "Bibi Shereeni" which I don't know who. Also, you insist of writing the name as shereeni, which is an uncommon practice (names always use capital letters for the first letter). Explain this and explain why he had such name in the history if you insist to keep it


Spoiler:

Jonquil Shadow

Stats :
Spoiler:

- STR : 20 (D)
  > DIR : 10 (D)
  > AMR : 10 (D)
- TAC : 100 (A)
  > SPL : 60 (B)
  > INT : 40 (C)
- AGI : 50 (B)
- KG : 30 (C)

- ATK : 70 (B+)
- DEF : 50 (B)


Killer Move : Anonymous
Cost : 30%
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R4yleonard
Senior

Posts : 468
Join date : 2012-08-21
Age : 21
Location : Jakarta, Indonesia

Character Stats
Name: Jonquil Shadow
Level: 1
Burst Points:
125/300  (125/300)

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